So much of the journey is about falling in love with ME again and healing deep, old wounds of utter hatred and the Entire “not good enough” dance. This isn’t something that I can simply go to 1 weekend workshop on and that’s me done, there’s ongoing work to do. Everything has been part of my path on the return to LOVE. There has been a Lot of hard graft put in and where I am now is that Most of the time I remember I AM LOVE, I AM DIVINE, I AM LIGHT. Sometimes I forget and I forget so utterly intensely. Luckily I have a small band of amazing beautiful souls around me who will notice this and will carefully remind me to return to LOVE.
I do MANY self nourishing, self care, activities and yesterday I consciously dedicated the whole day to a LOVE affair with myself, to dissolve Deeply into my experience of LOVE and celebrate another day I get to be here like it’s my Birthday – what a Gift that we get another day!
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Waking up is a Favourite part of the day as my boyfriend pulls me close into his warm body and I start the day smiling. But he had work to go to and also 2 shows to perform in at the Edinburgh Festival so he couldn’t caress me All day unfortunately. After meditating and a bit of She Flow Yoga practice, and a bit of dance, I got up and ready and dressed for my date with me. I put on some favourite underwear, favourite perfume, favourite body lotion, I don’t often wear much make up these days but I put that on and did my hair and picked some nice jewellery and clothes.
I was all happy and excited that my Certificate arrived in the post and I now have the title - “Merlins’ Vortex Wizard”. I work with a whole bunch of energy methods or modalities and this is just one that I have rediscovered and I LOVE working with so far – I feel it Really strong and tangible and it is very beautiful.
And then I went out into the day...
I took myself for breakfast at my favourite little café that’s right beside my flat. I Felt the pleasure move through my whole body as I ate Incredible pancakes with caramelised banana and maple syrup. I loved watching the busy little café with people coming and going and the sights and sounds and smells. I felt nourished and fulfilled by this delicious feast.
I love art and any creativity so I walked down to the Modern Art Gallery in the rain to see the exhibition - "The Amazing World of M.C. Escher”. It wasn’t necessarily about the destination of arriving at the gallery, it was Everything on the journey. How much BEAUTY could I notice? Even in the streets and places, that would be Easy to label as mundane, plane or even perhaps Ugly, what could I see to Praise? I found lines and shapes and textures and colours and shadows and patterns Everywhere. How could you Begin to describe any of it as Ugly? What Souls were out walking in the streets with me? Do they have Any clue how beautiful they are?
As I walked I was conscious of my breath, of the way I enjoy the motion of my arms as they swing, as the way my hair feels in the wind. I felt the rain kiss me. Throughout the day I kept checking in with my body and noticing my breath, noticing sensations and noticing what was going on in there. When I felt pleasure, how could I enhance that and build it for example.
The art exhibition was fascinating and intriguing but it was busy and full of people standing close to the images which tried to trigger some annoyance in me but I didn’t allow it. I found the Surrealist room I enjoy with Salvador Dali and Picaso and one of my favourite artists - Miro.
I walked along the Water of Leith a little bit and delighted in the numerous circular ripples on the water from the rain – Such sacred geometry in nature. It was really quiet, cool, green and lush and after the rain there was that smell in the air that I love. I was SO Excited to see the stone sculptures in the water – my Soul mate has obviously been here already!
I had miss-read a brochure and a show I was planning to see wasn’t on so instead I went for lunch in a favourite Veggie café. As I enjoyed my beetroot soup, there was a woman opposite me on her phone and in her head, she left and I was joined by 2 older ladies from Ayrshire. They didn’t have smart phones so we had a beautiful conversation and I enjoyed their smiles and laughter.
I was going to walk more but the weather wasn’t kind so I treated myself to a fabulous new soft faux fur throw, some Sunflowers to brighten the day and something for dinner. I went home and dived into my throw and Amazing music and candles and incense and my Jade Egg practice and a lot of sensual massage and pleasure!
I had a box in the bathroom that had been sitting there a while. At a posh spa I had picked up seaweed for the bath! This had been harvested in Ireland and I’d been wondering when I’d get round to some mermaid time at home. My bath was transformed into a delicious Kelp field and I felt at home in the fronds as I allowed a very deep oceanic healing expereince.
After dinner I took myself to the “Big Sexy Circus". I saw a show called “Wings of my Heart” it was full of dance and ariel work and a Lot of beauty and I was transported to other places – far away and very magical that moved me deeply.
When I came home my boyfriend was back from his show so I ended the day as I began, in his warm arms.
So yeah – I enjoyed my date with myself a lot – it was a very beautiful day.