This is what little girls are generally taught.
However, I never found him out there.
No one matched, no one could.
It was too much expectation to land on Anyone’s shoulders.
Humans are NOT perfect, they are fabulously flawed and very Imperfect.
What I didn’t consciously realise was that I already met Him,
Deep in my heart.
I already knew Him.
Merged and mingled and dancing with Her.
Even while I live in this feminine vessel, I also carry the masculine.
Everyone is both.
I have expressed a range or roles and archetypes but none of it matters.
Nothing defines me, no labels, no names, nothing.
I am whole. I am complete, in Full spectrum.
I used to be a fully fledged, paid up member of the ‘Love and Light” brigade –
Positivity and sweet fluffy smiley perkiness all the way!
I was looking up and out, avoiding life and not being in my body at all.
Then the dive.
Down and in, down and in, down and in.
Deeper and deeper.
Falling endlessly, no rockface to hold onto, no ledge to get a purchase on,
No one to throw a rope, no one to ‘save me’…
My feminine aspect got wilder, and wilder,
The “Good girl” archetype dissolved back into source.
Chaos reigned as the decks were cleared on all levels.
No matter the terror in my shaky being,
No matter how wide eyed I looked, like some rabbit in the headlights,
No matter the raw vulnerability,
I saw this Other aspect –
Strength was always there.
Presence was always there.
I witnessed myself.
I held myself.
Throughout Every single storm.
The desire is always freedom, and
Now I don’t need to project onto Anyone.
I can BE with Every soul Without asking “is This one my Beloved?”
For EVERY soul is the Beloved.
I don’t need a Prince Charming, or any of the illusion,
The old fantasy ways of relating are stale.
I am my Own Lover, and
I am in love with the world, every person, animal, tree, stream, all of it.