So Yes, STILL I showed up. I face all sort of fears SO very often that I laugh at the idea of comfort zone – what’s that again?! I just went to the venue with All I was at that point - raw, vulnerable, tender, scared, frightened, unsure, angry, grumpy, pissed off, tired, very unsure and very shaky and also very ready for poetry and mantras and movement and connection as well.
The minute I got there the transformation softly and powerfully began… The presence of this Gloriously Delicious soul Chloe Goodchild with her twinkly eyes reminding me that the totality of Everything is ok and I was Very much Welcome.
All the expectation fell, the reason for going fell, "come Here for No reason, just come here”.
The ‘field’ was established Before I arrived so there was no warming up and taking time to dive deep, it was walk in through the door and Surrender and GO!!! Within minutes we were all playing Full out, no holds bared, the tears started early and that’s just Great!
I observed that No I don’t Have to be big and loud and grab attention, it really Is ok to be quiet, really quiet. I don’t have to Impress anyone, I can just Express. THIS was a take-home point for me – Don’t Impress, just EXPRESS – I So felt the honey medicine of That! My quiet space reminded me that my dancing expression is often not big and external but Very very alive and purring and deeply Internal. Yes at times I am Very loud and crazy But a LOT of my pleasure is in silence and quiet.)
I also Finally got how the art of Deep listening is what I bring as my gift. My deafness is Such a gift to allow me to Listen Beyond Hearing.
"What is the deep listening?
Sama is a greeting from the secret ones inside the heart, a letter.
The branches of your intelligence grow new leaves in the wind of this listening.
The body reaches a peace.
Rooster sound comes, reminding you of your love for dawn.
The reed flute and the singer's lips:
the knack of how spirit breathes into us becomes as simple and ordinary as
eating and drinking.
The dead rise with the pleasure of listening.
If someone can't hear a trumpet melody, sprinkle
dirt on his head and declare him dead.
Listen, and feel the beauty of your separation,
the unsayable absence.
There's a moon inside every human being.
Learn to be companions with it.
Give more of your life to this listening.
As brightness is to time, so you are to
the one who talks to the deep ear in
your chest.
I should sell my tongue and buy a thousand ears when that
one steps near and begins to speak."
~ Rumi
from The Glance
translated by Coleman Barks
"I should sell my tongue and buy a THOUSAND ears when That one steps near and begins to speak!”
That line says it ALL for me. If I could have just a couple of lines of poetry to luxuriate in for all the rest of my time, that line is certainly in there.
This DEEP listening space. This deep privilege of souls feeling ok in your presence to be authentic and raw and vulnerable and to share depth with you. The Complete lack of judgement for each other brings Such freedom. The place of no words, of no sound. Of two souls meeting. How much Pleasure do I get from sharing space with someone and Really witnessing them behind All the masks. I do not Care what your sound is, I don’t care what you bring, you can be as weird and odd and authentic and messy and crazy with me and I will witness Whatever you bring. Drop the masks and lets meet There. Let me remind you how Exquisite you are, How Exceptional, how Magnificent, How Divinely Perfect you are for That is how I see EVERY Flame in Every soul. This gift of presence and witnessing serves me profoundly as it reminds me of the truth that This is who I am, this Beautiful being, who cares what my sound is, my soul Shines.
I witnessed in myself how sound vibration can cut through my shadows so differently than many other modalities. When I entered this work 2 years ago there was roars and screams that needed voiced and witnessed and shocked me deeply, now the tenderness of the ages comes through, the depth of Softness is so very humbling, I dive deep into the tender space to be filled and nourished by That energy that I have LONGED for. I can see how much aggression and violence there has been, not necessarily with physical abuse but So very much mental, emotional and psychological abuse from others and from myself to me and how this soul needs the antidote of Extreme sweetness, care, love, nourishment…. My Soul Screams to be held in This energy, let all the violence go, I chose to manifest peace peace and more peace.
I noticed my pull to the dark Phrygian mode that spoke to me of middle eastern places that my soul knows. This mode allowed me space to feel wildly into my longing, this piece that is usually hidden, avoided, ignored and quietened so it shrinks into a depression without the space to express what it wants to say, it is such a wildly passionate space with such depth of sorrow and deep loss in there. This yearning needs a home and it is in the vibration of this type of energy that it can fly and that was important. However now it has been uncaged I feel this longing deeper and yes it brings bigger pain but I can be With it in the sound vibration.
I was interested in my sound, what IS it that I have so wildly Hated about it all my life? When I hear My sound in My body, I enjoy the resonance, the tone and the pitch but when I hear it back on Any recording device I can not connect with it, I don’t like it, I don’t identify it, it doesn’t sound like me, it sounds like someone else. It sounds like Mini Mouse on speed half the time as usually I am so excited when I leave a message! The tone inside me is Much more low and anchored into the Void. This other energy that I have heard on answer machines is like some strange little Fairie. I found it helpful to remember that way back before recording technological devices, All we had was Ourselves. It doesn’t matter what this sparkly fairie squeaks like and what mischief she brings, this anchor in my body down to the core of this earth and beyond is the place to connect to. Both energies are me and in time I will connect to this fairie sound and accept it but at the moment I don’t.
I have had SUCH a radical journey through sound and finding my voice through speech, singing, sounding, movement, writing, poetry, mantras, chants….. That I have a Deeeeeeep pull to BRING it to other people. This scares the Hell out of me and I don’t know Exactly how it’s all going to shake down but that IS in there…. I can see this lack of my own acceptance in my sound is hindering me as I feel I can’t yet offer workshops or webinars as I heal This aspect, so I choose to take super gentle baby steps with this and see where we can meet and how this journey of acceptance is going to emerge so I can bring this passion I feel in my soul to help other people – it’s going to happen, it’s just a question of resting with the timing and accepting the dance.
For more information about the Naked Voice MAGIC you can check out http://thenakedvoice.com/
Chloe has an INCREDIBLE new book that I’d encourage Everyone to pick up a copy of.
: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Naked-Voice-Transforming-Through-Power/dp/1583948775/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1435833666&sr=8-1&keywords=naked+voice
(The image I've chosen is one of my own photographs that encapsulates an unfolding.)