It is interesting to reflect and notice how I felt previously when my friend Vivienne invited me to a workshop on the Naked Voice in the Edinburgh Theosophical Society. I watched my screaming, uncontrollable terror and all the judgements and all the stories about why I couldn’t Possibly go and how I would make Such a fool of myself. There was no way in life that I could begin to ’Sing’ 1 single note in public where Anyone else might possibly hear me! I was facing massive shame and guilt and Many old blocks, beliefs and programmes. I felt the adrenaline course through my system in Wild very Intense waves. I Easily found Every excuse to want to run. I was incredibly supported and encouraged and the space was deeply held for my entry into the process. The night before the workshop, I felt the call to sign up and to Leap. I am so Delighted I did. The workshop was Incredible, yes it was Exceptionally challenging but I showed up BIG and the reward was that I got so Very Very Very much from it and was then able to translate this into my life and the everyday. The naked voice is not Just about singing voice, and this blog is partly as a result of that particular medicine.
A couple of months ago when I spotted that Chloe Goodchild was coming to Edinburgh my spirit squealed with sheer Delight and excitement and did a jig of Joy! My Ego Squirmed and really resisted! Leading up to the course I watched the old familiar fear based vibrations but they were not as intense and it was easier to quieten those monsters. I booked up much more in advance this time and paid in full so I was signed and committed.
I had the Most delicious walk in the quiet Autumn morning to usher my arrival on the Saturday morning. The sky was so blue and the air was crisp and sharp and intense. I found it easy to drop into a mindful alert walk and all my senses were really heightened! The minute I walked into the room and I felt Chloe’s energy, I fell wildly in Love! I immediately noticed the quality of her spirit and adored her vibrancy. It is So important to bring humour into this sweet life and I resonated with Chloe's mischief and laugh through the weekend. The twinkle that she brought reminded me of the Beautiful spirit of my grandmother who was/ is a Gorgeous gift in my life.
I immediately felt home in the circle and knew I was safe and could be all the colours of my rainbow, whatever wanted to emerge and be seen that weekend. I was deeply honoured that my Shakti vibration was deeply seen and witnessed so strongly and that I didn't hide it but just let it be. Each person in that space brought such sweet presence, sharings and rich teachings and together we weaved the powerful medicine through sound and silence.
There were Very many highlights through the journey. I Particularly enjoyed singing Om Tara, then the 7 Sounds of Love with the powerful mudras and then the Heart Sutra (I couldn’t stop singing that for a few hours when I got home on the Saturday night!) One the second day the triad work was Something else to put it mildly. I was Fascinated with what happened when my ego dissolved and my True, Pure spirit sounded!!! I could observe myself making these utterly bonkers weird and wonderful sounds. It unfolded and so did the tears and the deep soul/ heart sobbing - part personal part from/for the land. I didn’t edit, restrict or suppress Anything, it ALL came. This vibration didn't last and moved into the sense of the sound of the wind and the sea and the ocean and the storm. Then came a wild primal raw, fierce, true unleashed, strong, powerful energy which shocked me and then lead into giggling. There was a Celtic dimension and I felt the land sing to me and echo her back, I was healing her and she was healing me. All of it touched me very profoundly and changed me.
I Adored EVERY line of poetry throughout the days and felt the magic. I was so grateful for the basket of poems, every one I randomly picked brought personal teachings. There were a couple of familiar ones in there, including 2 David Whyte ones –Sweet Darkness and What to remember when waking. Then there was a bit of Pablo Neruda from Still Another Day and a few amazing poets. I Adored this one and it really made me smile:
God Says Yes to Me
I asked God if it was ok to be melodramatic
And she said yes
I asked her if it was ok to be short
And she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
Or not wear nail polish
And she said honey
She calls me that sometimes
She said you can do exactly
What you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don’t paragraph
My letters
Sweetcakes God said
Who knows where she picked that up
What I’m telling you is
Yes Yes Yes
Kaylin Haught
What was lovely was that over dinner I was able to discuss what I had learnt about the musical scales and Modes with my partner who is a professional musician and an arranger. From my experience I could reach into his musical landscape and connect in a new space and that was fun to share.
I am Thirsty and Hungry for More of this medicine and I am curious where the adventure will lead!!!
I encourage Everyone to check out http://thenakedvoice.com/ Some Beautiful energy there and gorgeous CD's.
(as we left, the wild geese flew overhead and Mary Oliver's poem came to mind)