What got me back? A Key piece in The Four Agreements: Don’t take it Personally.
My traits and tendencies is to take Everything personally, I mean Everything – the entire state of the world, you name it!!! And from taking it Very personally, my inner Raging Full Volcano Kali emerges and it’s often Not pretty! So all of this is my classroom to Notice!
But So What?! So What if Another person walks away? So What if Another so called “friend” is not There for me as I navigate life including enormous challenges of symptoms of Mental Health Recovery, severe Depression and suicidal thoughts etc? So What if their words “I’m here for you” were empty and vacuous and meaningless – I don’t tend to believe Anyone when they say those words as Very few people Actually Mean them and follow through!
Rejection and Abandonment! Oh Just the Energy of those words sends Shivers up my spine! I consider all the places where these words have woven into my life and how that affected and impacted. Times I’ve connected with the external, relational world, there has been invitations for growth through these core wounds. There have been times where I have perhaps constricted and shut down and felt enormous pain and trauma or other invitations to Simply keep breathing and to rest in the Silence.
So Very Many souls have chosen not to be my friend, SO many have walked away. It is Easy to think what a Bad, Horrible person I am, to take it Incredibly personally and to suffer Wildly. It’s easy to remember all the comments and experiences and abusive narcissistic gaslighting from all sorts of people and be Very doubtful about myself and take Everything personally and believe all the external material and reflections.
What’s True? I am an Exceptional soul and a Deep and Loving friend with an Enormous heart. I am a imperfect, flawed and fascinating woman but I’m in no way Bad or Awful. It is irrelevant how many walk away from me and turn their back on me in my dark hours and times of need, I love Anyway. What they choose to do is their own choices, I genuinely wish them well.
Even if Every person disappears, I will Still have the Trees, the Mountains, the Oceans, Father Sky, Mother Earth. I will Still have Silence. I will Still have my Own friendship with my Own heart.
No matter what unfolds externally, I will Choose Not to Abandon or Reject myself, I will continue Watching the thoughts, I will Choose to remember the Four Agreements and not to take Anything Personally.