So off I trotted to see this person called Emaho in Glasgow, completely open, completely innocent, trusting. I was going through on my own and didn’t really know that bit of town and was Completely ok with finding it, I wasn’t worried, it felt all very guided. I Really didn’t know what to expect and thought it was just going to be an interesting talk or a kind of Satsang type vibe. He was wandering about the hall in his suit and tie and looked really grounded and ‘normal’ I immediately took to him and he has a very gentle Dustin Hoffman similarity and vibe which made me smile.
We all gathered and I sat Right in the front row infront of him. I have had the profound privilege of sitting with a number of so called enlightened people but his energy felt Different, I could Get it in my marrow, I could sense it, feel it touch it taste it. I Knew this energy, I AM this energy. He was rooted and grounded and real, not all floaty, airy fairy talking in complex metaphors and abstract ideas. It was all suggestions such as if you Really want to know someone pay attention to their hands and how they touch this life. I So very deeply agree. It’s not in the words, it’s not in baffling anyone with complexities and theories, it’s in presence, how do you look at someone, no not quickly glance, How do you Really Look at someone and See their eyes and see their truth, it’s All there! Our eyes can heal and how often have I noticed that people won’t look at me, won’t meet my eyes. I have always looked at people, partly because of my deafness and that’s how I see the message that they are Really giving behind the words and within the silence.
Then came the altar and the Dance. The creation of the altar was Exquisite, so very sacred and stunning to witness. I could tell there was So very very much more going on that I hadn’t a clue about, Much deeper than I could comprehend. I watched him work with the beads and then the stunning red roses and how he carefully placed them with such care and attention. After a break he reappeared in his full ceremonial outfit, which was Stunning! There were Many people and I followed the dance and fell into the flow with the rhythmic drumming. Then one by 1 people took their place before the altar and they received the flames. I really witnessed each person and then I was called forward. I felt the heat and the wax drip on to my skin as the flames kissed my skin. I felt the transmission and I received the gift of the rose.
The next day I dived back into ceremony with my sisters in a womb puja working with Cacao. As I journeyed I searched for my familiar self hatred, I couldn’t find 1 single solitary crumb in there, it had all been dissolved. I was left in the Nothing, in the vast empty Void and I Wallowed in the rich black soft velvet. I wanted to Stay there. It was so intoxicating and complete. It feels so familiar and is so home. The actual experience of that place is not expressed through words, the second I find a word or a label, that is Not it, that process takes me out of the stillness and back into my head to ‘try’ and make sense of it and justify it and box the unboxable. However we turn to words to somehow try and share, so I understand the difference here between what I convey and the untruth of the totality of the vibration.