Now and then I have an experience that appears to be “pain” in my body. It appears to present as pain in different places and at different volumes and intensities and flavours. It appears to sometimes stays for only a moment, or sometimes for a longer period and sometimes for some time. It sometimes appears to be all over the entire body, it sometimes appears to be localised to particular places.
So why do I keep saying “appear”? Because it is the mind translating a pure experience of sensation and information that is sent to the brain and putting on the label of "pain". The mind looks through it’s back catalogue and goes “ok, this seems similar to a certain previous experience and we called that experience pain, so this must be that…” That feels arrogant to be a foolish blind so called expert and to make a judgement about what a pure experience might or might not be. Who knows- it could be Aliveness, it could be Pure Love, it could be Wild Magic?! To be more playful and innocent and curious about what’s there and to actually look beyond Any label at all and to just Allow the raw experience to be without label at all is amazing and exciting and restful.
I notice so many habits and tendencies around these experiences of sensations in the body over so many years. I have Often had a desire for the experience to be Different and to try and change it so that the so-called pain is not there at all and there are just sensations of absolute ease and comfort. I have experimented with All sorts of methods and techniques and potions and lotions to make the experience something different. Sometimes, whatever I try works for a bit, sometimes it provides some form of relief, but generally, the experience of sensations in the body returns.
Right now, I am very aware of my body. I am aware of a lot of sensations in my body in different places. BUT……. Right now… I notice what's going on and can just be with it. I experience Such Peace with what is. I experience an incredible sense of allowance and very beautiful relaxation into the body. I experience happiness and joy and very profound, very deep love and the soft tenderness of gentleness and calm. I experience a sense of safety and trust in my own body. I notice such a level of rest and openness and spaciousness for the experience to be Exactly as it is, without Any violence of wanting Anything to change or look different in Any way. I experience no suffering.
How am I doing this? What am I using? What techniques?...... Just quietly watching and noticing.
THIS is my experience of Freedom. Not to Fix or heal or mend or transmute or transcend ANYTHING, but to let go into the moment, into the experience, into the surrender of being with this body landscape. The simplicity to allow and open to what IS and to be So intimate and present with what shows up, not turning my back on it, not shunning it, not kicking it out the house of belonging but welcoming ALL of me to the fire of my heart and saying, “here, sit, rest by the fire. You are welcome and deeply, completely loved as you are.” I notice my body quieten and rest as occasional inner fireworks explode in the dark inner landscapes and I just watch the beauty and magic without any resistance at all right now.