However! 8 years ago, I began a journey to practice a particular form of meditation. What that form is, feels irrelevant to go into here. But while I have quickly stopped any other practices, I have stuck with this particular one and I have an experience of deep Stillness even when the storms are raging.
What this enables me to do is Watch. It’s not about having an empty mind, it’s about changing the relationship with the thoughts and putting my attention on the Stillest part of my experience.
Sometimes the movement through my nervous system is like all the winter snow thawing in one go- Every neurological groove lights up and the awareness of Stress in the body is sometimes particularly intense. Every Old Story comes up and through and it’s like a Hurricane, tornado, tsunami, snow blizzard, force 10 gale… you get the idea!
There are Particular “Special” thoughts that my mind Loves to pick up on and make a personal story about. It wants to go off on a Whole saga about various threads. BUT, I keep choosing the Stillness. This is where my Stubbornness and determination and focus comes into it's own as a gift and I Keep choosing for stillness. In the Storms, my creative mind comes up with All sorts of interesting and creative suggestions to get my attention, getting more wild and more intense and it's Amazing to notice. So I Keep gently witnessing.
Lately, there have been loops about particular juicy threads and themes. These thoughts have tried hard to suggest they are important and need attention… I Just don’t give them that attention; I keep anchoring the Still Point. So much of it tries to make it into a completely Personal Story, but I keep hearing – don’t take it seriously and don’t take it personally. I keep breathing.
The Storm comes and goes and I’m Still here.
Resting in the dark stillness.