The Truth is, you can NEVER fail. Even when you Think you are a Complete and utter Failure, and life looks and seems a certain way, it’s Actually perfect! Yes, I Know you don’t want to hear that because I didn’t either! There’s all this expectation and drive to mend and fix and heal and resolve and move forward, always forward… There are products and techniques and whole businesses designed around this striving and pushing for more, bigger and better and perhaps we get hypnotized into thinking that’s the way? It’s absolutely knackering way down to the bones and beyond.
There is Never a moment that is not perfect, not divine. Everything unfolds Exactly as it should, in each perfect moment. The struggle and suffering comes from Any attachment to wanting it to be Anything other than it is. Forcing our will on the absolute perfection of creation, trying to make anything fit our limited expectations. I know it, I know it well! I Still dance with all of this now and then, just Sometimes, I notice and remember and reset and Laugh again!
I have hidden aspects of myself and certainly fear of failure used to be in there. Very much about what others think in various aspects, of all of that stuff and such enormous competition! But I am aware of it and I can watch it. It’s ok to allow it and to let it be Without changing or fixing a thing. All that is violent on a subtle or not so subtle level and can be incredibly exhausting! In this place of allowing and deep rest there is such vastness to hold all of it without abandoning yourself.
This holding allows the shakiness and terror to be there and Still to take whatever step it might be. This vastness supports all of it and it’s ok to stumble or to fall. It’s ok to shake or feel nausea. It’s ok to stop and start again. It’s ok to make a different choice completely. Everything and more is ok.
I have been taken to a place of complete uncertainty and unknowing, with no reference points and no answers to any questions. Even here I’m ok with all of that, it actually feels very familiar. I feel so much relief at just allowing myself to be completely vulnerable in this place.
I have Tried to Force a way through, forcing my mind to kick in with solutions and not resting in the Trust of something greater which Always contains everything. So there's a choice of struggle or surrender. And then I take the feet off the pedals, hands off the wheel and the unfolding occurs without me doing a single thing in utter magic and grace. It is irrelevant whatever commentary shows up on if it’s a ‘nice’ unfolding or not.
Of course I can’t fail, I can’t begin to get it wrong, I’ve never been in charge of any of this anyway.
(In this place of no failing, I’ve been playing with a LOT of creative art therapy/ colour therapy and expression and this is an example of that exploration, which has kissed my heart with such playful joy.)