The Body is The teacher, the reason we are here as human beings to walk on this rock. It’s easy to be a spirit or a soul, to be in this body – Really be IN it and not be distracted and turn away from it is Much more challenging. My mind will offer me So many escape routes and fantastical situations and then the body rocks up and reminds me that This body suit is where I live.
The minute I don’t pay attention, my body starts to let its presence known. If I ignore it through unconscious or conscious choice, it starts to get louder Until I I have no choice but to notice. For weeks I kept hearing Stop, Slow down and I kept going with all sorts anyway. If I ignore those amber lights the Stop light Will flash red and once more it shows up as physical dis-ease so I have no choice and can Only Stop.
My Throat has been my teacher all along, and it’s been a lifetime of discomfort and dis-ease in that chakra area. The worst one was maybe 2 years ago when I had Extreme Tonsillitis, Laryngitis and Pharyngitis and Hayfever at the one time and I could barely breathe or swallow. So the current bit of tonsillitis, pain and discomfort feels Nothing in comparison to that. It’s just a reminder to notice and instead of reaching immediately for something to numb the symptoms to dive beneath that and look at the root and what’s going on in there.
I am a Massive fan of Louise Hay and years ago I picked up her book “You can Heal Your Life”. Throat issues are around this whole issue of not speaking up, for asking for what we want, saying “I am…” There’s all this Fear in there about not feeling I have the right to say anything and keeping quiet for safeties sake and keeping the peace. It really pulls up So very much past live stuff for me. I have been suppressed not only in this life over and over but in other lives that I have glimpsed. Not only that I have been Murdered in and around the throat chakra over and over in a range of methods from being decapitated, strangled, garroted, hung, poisoned, having my tongue ripped out, numerous spears put through my neck, slave ironmongery put on my neck…. (I look forward to glimpsing Happy past lives one day!) So yeah I’ve carried a Lot of cellular memory into this life time and for many reasons it’s felt Much safer to be so very Quiet and not say Anything.
BUT I Can’t be quiet any more. I haven’t come here to be silent. I have come here to SING my song, and LIVE this life, not to whimper and hide. I have ALWAYS spoken up and out for those without a voice, the persecuted and oppressed as well as the environment and our animal brothers and sisters. It’s Also time I started to Really speak up for MYSELF and claim what it is I desire in this life. It IS Safe to speak up, it Is OK to open my mouth and speak, I don’t Have to push Everything deeper into my body and bite my tongue over and over.
I am Grateful for this dis-ease right now to remind me. I am So incredibly grateful for my throat, this Entire Wonderful, Beautiful area, all the cells and molecules in there - What an Astounding Miracle! Thank you for facilitating the passage of life giving air into and out of this body, thank you for facilitating the movement of nutrients into this body. Thank you for the incredible vocal structures and ability to sound and form vibrations and communicate through language. Thank you to this whole structure to hold my entire head as well - pretty amazing! If I Could, I would cover it in kisses.
And the voice can be expressed in other ways as well, it is not just through the spoken word. The Whole reason I started writing a blog last year was to start to express myself and play and explore what it feels like to speak out publicly in a world I hid from for So many years. This has been alongside some Incredibly Important and transformational naked voice work with the Glorious Chloe Goodchild.
I got a Goddess Reading the other day and what’s one of my words for 2016 - SING! I Love to sing But I judged my sound and had a Solid belief that I am deaf and therefore tone deaf and Shouldn’t make a noise in public ever for fear of ridicule. I DO Have a Voice. Last week I went to my very First Karaoke night and I Sang for the Very first time in–front of other people. I didn’t care how terrible I was, I got up there, sang, smiled and had a laugh! (my colleague had put me up for a duet with him so I just got up rather than resisting it - I was Barbara Dixon in that old Classic “I know him so well” it WAS funny!)
Yesterday I KEPT singing this Passenger song, "Scare away the dark”:
To sing, sing at the top of your voice,
Love without fear in your heart.
Feel, feel like you still have a choice
If we all light up we can scare away the dark
There will Always be people and energies that will try and cut me down and say where I am wrong and not good enough and disagree with me and not like me and try to injure me, silence me, suppress me and stop me BUT STILL I RISE.
Think what you will, say what you will, do what you will, It is of no matter. I am Gloriously imperfect and utterly flawed and messy and weird and completely wonderful and I have MUCH to say...