Today is the Celtic Harvest Festival of Lammas or Lughnasadh. It has had me reviewing the year and considering where I currently am and what has been my harvest.
I feel FREE in More aspects than I would have ever had expected (Sure there is still plenty work to do in some areas, but I am in complete Awe!)
A Lot of what I have considered is in relation to the past and past events. You see, I have been working HARD, working my backside off. Sure it may have looked like I was doing nothing or little as I lay, sometimes bed-bound with chronic pain or exhaustion, but I have been Working! What on?..... FORGIVENESS.
I had Such a Bond and Link and Connection and Identity with ALL the pieces and places of Major trauma and felt Such injustice and deep passionate rage but the people who had injured me were happily getting on with their lives and I was the one Still carrying the burden. It was deep in my body and my body was Very toxic and Very sick with the trauma that I kept being triggered by and kept replaying over and over and over.
I had an identity of a person who was unjustly sacked from the Scottish Government for having Mental Health illness caused by sustained workplace bullying for 24 years. I had an identity of a person who was So enraged and full of anger by all the failures of the Entire system and Everything that went wrong that she wanted to Continue Fighting UNTIL she got an apology from the Permenant Secretary and she was prepared to go all the way to court! I had an identity of a person who was so ill from sustained bullying that she developed not only depression and such but fibromyalgia with a bunch of symptoms and debilitating difficulties that affected day to day living. I had an identity of a person who had endured abusive partners and people that had controlled, manipulated, suppressed, neglected .. I had an identity of a person who was So exhausted from all that had been that they didn't want to live and thought about suicide... and on….
But I’m Absolutely None of that! That MAY have happened in this Earth Walk but it’s SO Done! Completely and totally done and released and it feels like talking about a different soul, it feels like talking about a book or a film, it feels Incredibly neutral without any charge at all. I had several ceremonies where I called in ALL the people who had caused pain and trauma in some way or another. I felt neutral to each person/ situation. I release them so they may continue their lives and I may continue mine.
I have Such Profound Gratitude to Every Single thing that has happened. Everything has been how it needed to be, not what I'd choose, not what I've enjoyed but it's taken me to here. This week I watched commuters go to their work, I watched their energy – WOW! They were hunched and constricted and barely breathing and barely alive and so miserable looking and they all had on their uniforms or corporate costumes. That had been me. I am So grateful to have been liberated, including the effects of working within a huge machine where you are dehumanised and made invisible and your worth is stripped.
So Why should I forgive Anyone, Anything, Ever?!?!? Not because they Deserve it or Anything about Them! I may not agree with Anything that happened or how it happened, I may have Completely different views and opinions, I may choose to Never share space with some or all of the people again but…
I Choose not to carry Any of it. I choose to lay it down.
I attach this Incredible and Exceptional video which I resonate with Completely. YES YES YES, Forgive All the Assholes!!!! I take the Bolt Cutters to All that has been and Choose Liberation. “What you did was SO NOT ok that I REFUSE to be connected to it anymore!” I thank Archangel Michael for his incredible sword that has helped me cut through Many a cord. I choose to be a radically badass freedom fighter and no one’s doormat…
I am Excited about creating a bright and positive future from a blank page. The medicine of hummingbird has been teaching me that Anything is possible and I feel So Joyful in the newness of the unfolding life without the Heaviness of the chains of before. I feel So Clear and So Light after carrying way too much for too long! Here’s to a New adventure, a New life, a New way of being.