First things…. If someone is brave enough to divulge such Intimate, honest, real, authentic, truthful lived Experience, Don’t Spiritualise it or use Intellect. It felt Abusive and I’ve had Enough abuse to last MANY Lifetimes and then some!
I have felt Profoundly Physically Alone throughout this life.
Right now, I’m sitting here and there’s only me, no pet, no kids, no Physical other. Last night, I went out to listen to some music, there wasn’t even a Stranger beside me, the seat was empty. This is my life, this is my experience. I go for walks alone, I go to events alone, I go on holiday alone… I’ve lost track of the vast number of ceremonies I’ve done where I’ve asked for Something different to being physically Alone, I’ve prayed Hard for a Long time, but this is where I am, sometimes I accept it and sometimes it stings.
Now I GET the whole entire piece that we are Never alone! Tell me about it!!!! I have ALWAYS felt the Presence of something else, I have Never felt Alone in the Big Cosmic Spiritual Oneness kind of vibe. My experience of Love is Profound. BUT that was not what I was sharing. It’s the Human Being Physical Aloneness and the Profound lack of physical touch, that feels like a Basic human need, that Stings.
When I was wee, I was So shy, yeah I played with the kids in the street but I remember So many times playing by myself in my room. At School, I wasn’t cool enough to hang with the cool kids, not nerdy enough, not smart enough, not weird enough to fit in with any of the sub groups you tend to get, I felt Alone and didn’t belong. At Uni & work, Same – I didn’t feel I belonged. I have Tried to join clubs and workshops and groups over the years. I’ve Tried to fit in, to find like-minded people, I could write Books about all that! Always searching for a place to Fit, never Quite finding the right jigsaw and feeling the discomfort as I Tried to squeeze my jigsaw piece into places that were not right. Even when I was married, I Still felt alone, and our views and likes were So different that I still went to things on my own.
Right now, I am aware of a very small handful of amazingly kind sweet souls who are around sometimes, and I Love their company and gorgeous hearts. MOST of the time however, I am physically alone.
When I’ve had panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, depression, full body physical pain and all the rest of the adventures… I’ve been physically alone.
Some people have said “I’m here for you”…. That is a Trigger to me as it’s very often not authentic – it’s just been words and words can be cheap if it’s not been followed up with Action. When I’ve struggled and been IN an episode, I can’t usually Reach Out and ask for any help from anyone anywhere. It’s like having a hippopotamus on my chest and waiting and waiting until the crushing weight decides to maybe move off. But what I’ve Craved and Desired and Wanted was a physical person JUST to sit with me and hold my hand, that’s All. After an episode, I often feel complete total exhaustion with no reserves and crashing out to sleep for hours.
So my point is. For sure, in some lovely metaphysical sense… we are NEVER Alone… Isn’t that nice! However, I am a Human Being and my experience this lifetime looks very different. Sometimes I Adore the Solitude and the Quiet. Sometimes I deeply need it and count my blessing and am So deeply grateful for it. Sometimes in the Storms that rage, it’s So hard to be physically alone. Sometimes the Volume of physical solitude brings tears that seem to have no end.
Our society feels Deeply Fragmented, with lots of bodies living and existing in such close proximity but So many people Everywhere feeling so impossibly alone. So I have Always been curious about Solutions to any challenges. How can we overcome this plague of loneliness on this planet? Not something I have an answer to at this point. In the meantime – Don’t abuse people if they say they feel lonely!