The smell hit me like a steam train in a strong, powerful hit. The pungent smell of an unwashed body and hair, the smell of unwashed filthy clothes, the smell of lack of sanitation or hygiene. Glancing at the skin on his hand it was dark and grimy and dirty.
The bus was nearly empty and yet he chose the seat beside me. I was trapped by the window by the smell. (This has unfolded more than once as I use public transport and people have often chosen the seat beside me. I know lots of people who simply will not use public transport but this is my means of getting around.)
I noticed my gag reflex trigger strongly, I noticed my stomach heave and lurch, I noticed how I automatically turned away to get a gulp of cleaner air from somewhere. I noticed a feeling of disgust and horror and aversion and checking out if I felt “safe” sitting beside this person who appeared to be agitated and in distress. I noticed shame at the feelings that came up, as if I shouldn’t feel those feelings.
Beyond the overpowering stench is a soul, is a person, is a brother. Could I feel loving compassion for him? I didn’t need to analyse anything or over think, it was irrelevant what this man’s “Story” was. It was irrelevant what caused his agitation and circumstances. I was no there to heal, help or cure him either. Here was a person sitting beside me, could I open my heart to them and witness them exactly as they were without seeking for them to change at all?
The man had lost his bank card and was getting me to stand up ever little while to check my seat and under the seat multiple times, he was continually checking his pockets, pacing the bus, he was making strange sounds and clutching his chest. When he moved, the smell hit me again and again and I tried not to wretch.
I might have felt unskilled at the clearest way to communicate with this person but I could still sit in presence with him and not run away and very simply love him.
I was curious- if the people we meet are mirrors for aspects of ourselves, could I meet myself in this brother? Everything in life is a Gift, what was the Gift here? I started to meditate and drop into a very quiet and still place and hold this brother in Love. I felt such care and tenderness towards him and from the silence I inwardly chanted beautiful mantras for him. I wish him Such peace. I wish All souls Peace. All souls are lovable, even when they come with their own brand of perfume that might not be sweetly melodious to another, they are Still worthy of Love. The Only requirement to be loved is to be alive. I wish him and All Such Sweet Love and Peace.
Om Shanti.