This is the cut down version of my dance Journal.
· Sunday 1 Love me like a river does – Melody Gardot. I started dancing Really small, really really small, very internal, dancing the vibration of stillness and experiencing the movement emerging out of this place of Void. The watery nature of this track makes me flow and bend but her soulful jazzy quality and the lyrics also touches a very deep place in me and moves me incredibly.
I work with Goddess energy each month and in February brought Nyai Loro Kidul, an Indonesian sea goddess so I dedicate my dance to her. There was a lot of quiet sadness in there that I flowed and oozed with.
· Monday 2 Celebrate – Kool and the Gang. I went to a ceremony to celebrate Imbolc at the Shamanic Centre. I honour the Celtic calendar, I honour the return of Spring! Goodness I have been yearning for Spring, yearning for the light to return, it has been a Long journey through the black dark. Yes it is still cold but I see the hope that the fresh new snowdrops bring and I smile. I read out one of my favourite poems at the moment by Drew Delinger as I Love the lines. “Lets meet at the confluence where you flow into me and one breath swirls between our lungs” oh, that Really does it for me! Earlier in the day I had been to an incredible presentation about a Scottish cultural project working on Unesco sites in places like St Kilda and India and I was Swirling and inspired by all I had seen and heard. Really feeling the emerging celebration of All life, a deep Joyful feeling.
· Tuesday 3 Juan Magan - Chica latina. There was an offer on at the local Tapas place so that’s a great excuse to practice my Spanish homework and have a cocktail with my Gorgeous boyfriend. My body Really needed some Latin sounds today, there was a mixture of tracks and they all made me move and smile! I LOVE spicy, hot Latin vibes!
· Wednesday 4 Somebody’s me – Enrique Inglesias. I wasn’t looking for a particular track and put the music on shuffle and this track popped up. Dancing this song brought out a lot of lyrical expression. This was at the end of the day after I had had an hour of wonderful bellydance at lunchtime plus 2 hours of 5 Rhythms dancing and I was Incredibly aware of All the massive pain that showed up in my body at the Rage about so much injustice in this world, one of those days when I felt BIG world pain way too much and too intense and I just needed something at the end of the day to bring it down and have a cry and let It all go. I felt deeply deeply exhausted.
· Thursday 5 - Ramm Dass - Monsoon (Tera Bina) I Love this song to sing along to and dance with. I went to an Incredible talk and performance at the Theosophical Society about classical Indian dance and where it interweaves with yoga. I Loved the opportunity to practice the dance mudras for some of the Hindu Deities such as Parvati, Shiva, Ganesh and learning about how the postures for yoga and dance differ such as Virabhadrasana for example.
· Friday 6 Unravel - Bjork. My body was in Massive pain deep down to my soul and I needed the OCEAN. Sometimes I Just need to be by the water and experience the healing. So I took a day off work. I am VERY good at knowing when to take deep care of myself. I came across a Fabulous picture of Bjork that I Utterly LOVE with her Screaming and a Polar bear behind her and that looked just how I felt. I had Such an Amazing experience and Loved taking photos of whatever caught my attention, which today included a Lot of sharp and jaggy shapes in thorns and barbed wire, my energy felt jaggy and then my whole rib cage opened out wide once I got onto the Empty beach and I breathed All of it in. At night I went to the AMAZING monthly Sacred Sound Journey that I Adore and as I walked in, the CD was playing Deva prayer. Hymn to the Divine Mother which is one of my Utter Favourite tracks to listen to over and over and over on a loop. This helped me drop into ceremony Immediately. My experience was absolutely HUGE, it was the first time I cried during a sound journey. Such a deeply healing day.
· Saturday 7. When Doves Cry – cover version by Damien Rice. My partner and I were gifted adoption of a pair of Bleeding Heart Doves at Christmas so we went to the zoo to see what they were like and had a brilliant day. The jaguar was roaring really loudly and I could feel the vibration of his roar move through me plus I Loved the new baby Tapir – I used to adopt the tapirs but all they ever seem to do is sleep! I Loved dancing to this cover version and really love the husky, smoky, soulful quality of his voice.
· Sunday 8 –Ahmad Gibaly & Orchestra - Tigi Ya Matigish This was a really hard day of facing absolute MASSIVE fear. I have BIG blocks about performing and Still I went on my own to the bellydance Hafla. I had only done the choreography a little but I Still got up there and performed. It brought up Masses of stuff that needed some Very BIG healing!
· Monday 9 – Right to be wrong, Joss Stone. I felt the call to have a ceremony with Cacao on my own and there was a lot of unleashed mischief which made me laugh a lot. The play list was full and then this track was just a random one that was popped in as well and brought a different vibration. Really snake vibe moving through my entirety, which I sense a Lot anyway.
· Tuesday 10 Keep breathing. Ingrid Michaelson “All I can do is keep breathing….” It’s All I can do, just to remember to breathe sometimes. Just come back to the breath, over and over and over. I experienced a horrendous pain in 1 area in my back and it felt like I’d been energetically stabbed. When I dived into it my experience felt like it was a harpoon and I was picking up the slaughter of the dolphins in Taiji Cove in Japan and the Oceanic pain that rippled out and my heart kept breaking. Diving deep with sorrow and pain.
· Wednesday 11 Goapele – Play. Naked Love – Adam Lambert I was the only person at Bellydance class today so I got a 1-1 lesson, which was utterly Wonderful and I was invited to play and experiment with dancing Baladi tunes. These come from the country areas and are quite earthy, which really suit my energy. They build in 3 parts, the first is small and doesn’t travel a lot, the middle section there is a call and response and it builds up to more of a show off vibe at the end. I was Incredibly surprised how utterly Coy I felt and it really took me deep into my body. Later, I noticed how there are MANY choices of evening play time on a Wednesday night and Actually there is No pressure to do ANYTHING. I felt really done and Still I was going to go out but my partner is So fabulous at reminding me when I’m way over tired to actually Stop. I curled up with him and some gorgeous music….
· Thursday 12 Ma'ak von AMR DIAB This might be my favourite Arabic song, it RIPS me open – it melts me and takes me away to endless deserts and reminded me of when I visited Wadi Rum in Jordan and the Endless Nothing…. I danced to this track within Cacao ceremony. I don’t understand Arabic but Again, I can feel the Love, Longing, and heartbreaking Desire in this song. The Lyrics include: “I am always with you, even when you are far I have love in my heart. I am always with you, you're always in my heart and my mind, and I will not forget you. I miss you always, until we are together.”
· Friday 13 Time after time – She and Him - Friday 13th is not a ‘bad’ date 13 is the number of the Goddess and Fridays were associated with the Goddess so it feels like the patriarchal society tried to squish all this and it’s time to honour it again. I went to a Brilliant talk by my Wonderful meditation teachers which dropped me Deep into my personal practice and reminded me to make everything Really easy and to be really really gentle and innocent. It was a beautiful evening. On the way there I listened to this and my body swayed with glowing pleasure and ease.
· Saturday 14 My funny valentine – Ella Fitzgerald. Loved dancing this. Always always always fall in love INTERNALLY with the SELF and then move it outwards – Expanding more and more and more. NO one will ever fill you up, it’s Always an Inside job. I am always So very Blessed to wake up beside such a gorgeous soul that I get to spend my life with. We had a Beautiful day, had some lunch and went to the glasshouses in the Botanics and then I got to see my parents and brother and my Gorgeous little nieces and play with them which was wonderful.
· Sunday 15 I’ve been thinking about you – London beat – This was yet another day to face some pretty HUGE fears and dance Outside in the street with a few friends. I used my meditation techniques and bach flower remedies and had some cacao and off I went. This was one on the playlist as we went round Holyrood park and I was Laughing with my palls!
· Monday 16 CC Music Factory – Gonna make you sweat. Saw the video of our dance from yesterday and it made me laugh So very very much. I heard there was a dance class in town so I went to check it out on my own. Although there were just women there, the energy was incredibly masculine and I really didn’t want to dance to an hour of masculine vibration, I needed some balance. I came home and dissolved into the epic soaring soundscape of Out of Africa and moved to pieces of that when the sound took over my body.
· Tuesday 17 Superstition – Stevie Wonder. My partner was chatting about the possibility of playing his saxophone in a Soul band and whether or not he can fit it in to his already very hectic schedule, probably not!!! So I went to work listening to Loads of soul/ funk stuff and then I accidentally found myself really Strutting along the pavement to a bit of Stevie – a lot of his stuff won’t let me be still and I caught myself moving at the traffic lights and laughed!
· Wednesday 18 Stereophonics – Devil and Superman. I listened to Stereophonics as I strutted to 5 Rhythms and really felt these tracks in my blood and in the way I moved. I gave it All up on the dance floor. We were invited to play and experiment with different levels of awareness. I really notice how my preference is often in dancing my own medicine, dancing my own expression. This is how I have been discovering who I am through the movement that arises out of the nothingness. I often prefer to Drop very deep inside and notice how my body is moving, there’s such a depth to the very internal dance and this is where some BIG healing happens for me. I dance my breath and how it travels through my entirety, it felt very much like a wave, I was very aware of the texture and rhythm. I’m very comfortable expanding this out into the immediate space around me. I Loved walking through the space and experiencing the sensations of my feet moving. In Chaos I was able to experience the letting go of what I was carrying on my shoulders and that was Such a relief. I knew we would be invited to connect with other people and I wasn’t in the mood for that at all. Sometimes I really Love that dance and All I want to do is connect and merge with everyone but not last night. This was challenging for me and pushed me to dance my edges and not shy away from this invitation. I danced with 3 people and the first I noticed where I could connect to her from a different energetic state and keep my integrity to my own dance without Trying to copy her and Trying to match her. The second connection was with a man. I had just been dancing some interesting sensations, LOTS of Sekhmet and also Very slithery feminine water snake energy which was oozing through me and I was Really feeling the Whole Feminine expression in every fibre. I could sense he didn’t really know how to deal with me and ALL my energy. I moved closer and then gave him space to see where the boundaries were, his reaction was to actually run away as far as he could from me and he moved to the other side of the room from me completely. I sensed when even still we were connected, I sensed when we had totally disconnected. As we disconnected I came right back deep into my own experience and I danced what came up as complete rejection and surrendered deeply into this familiar expression. Then he came back when I no longer wanted to dance with him and I had to choose whether to stay open and move with him or not. Finally I danced the expression of stillness with a woman who is Exquisite, one of those people I would have previously compared myself to and wanted to be like (competition energy just wasn’t in the picture in this dance) she has a whole bag of Boho energy, a lot of elemental nature energy in there, I see myself reflected in her eyes and know her energy. We came together and through our hands and fingertips and wrists and forearms the connection was like 1 being, no separation.
· Thursday 19 The more I see you – Nat King Cole Chinese New Year and I am So Very glad to get off the horse that Thundered nonstop all last year! I work with embodied astrology and this evening was a ritual exploring the PISCES archetype. Huge deep oceanic dive and Cacao in the mix as well. Then my partner came home from his rehearsals and he played me this track which he had arranged Especially for me and he sang to me and my heart Exploded!!!
The more I see you,
The more I want you.
Somehow this feeling
Just grows and grows.
With every sigh I become more mad about you,
More lost without you,
And so it goes.
Can you imagine
How much I'll love you
The more I see you
As years go by?
I know the only one for me can only be you.
My arms won't free you;
My heart won't try.
· Friday 20 Sia lullaby - I went to a Kundalini Yoga session with a gorgeous sound journey at the end and when I came home a dear friend shared this track which soothed and eased me deeply.
· Saturday 21 Peia how blessed we are – I went to a Beautiful day of Goddess ritual work at the Shamanic center and really got a good blast of all my chakras with the sonic massage from the sound. On the way home, my friend played this track and my atoms danced.
· Sunday 22 – Halo – Ane Brun. Biffy Clyro – Many of Honour. I started a 5 week block learning Forest Yoga. My body Loved stretching into it all and the teachings offered. I Adore Ane Brun and this track gets me every time and then to add movement…
· Monday 23 – Bruno Mars Uptown Funk. Sometimes you just need a bit of groovy funk and a goooood dance….
· Tuesday 24 Superstylin – Groove Armada – Such a busy morning before going to the airport, I finished a couple of briefings, a speech, and a report and still fitted in time for some heavenly Myo-facial release for my aching body. In the afternoon went out to Brussels with a party of 17 for a study trip. It’s like herding cats and when I Finally got in my room I had a Short disco to shake off the exhausted traveling energy and really arrive in this space.
· Wednesday 25 Canned heat – Jamiroquai Shoot to Thrill ACDC.The programme was Very full and long so after beer and dinner I needed more dance before bed to shake out the day. “Dance, nothing left for me to do but dance, Off these bad times I'm going through just dance. Got canned heat in my heals tonight baby”
· Thursday 26 Groove is in the heart – Deee Lite Moves like Jagger – Maroon 5- after all the meetings, I travelled home via Amsterdam, got home Very late. I Started the day with some funky dance to help me Survive the day and get me in my body and my energies flowing.
· Friday 27 – Antonio Forcione - Alhambra I went through to Glasgow Really early to help the set up of a Conference about Fair Trade and Climate Change. I was completely exhausted at the end of the day and was going to go home but was then talked into helping with the evening reception as well and with the promise of a glass of Proseco I stayed. It was actually a superb event and Antonio was providing the music at the dinner.
· Saturday 28 – Xavier Rudd - Lioness Eye. I am working with Sekhmet throughout this year so her lioness energy pops up a lot. I went to a Beautiful Cacao ceremony with a bunch of people and through the sonic landscape offered, the vibration that my body REALLY needed was live didgeridoo, that vibrational quality Really shook up some stuff in my body and I would have happily experienced it for about a week. Afterwards when the recorded music came on and there was some Ben Bushill The Breathing dark, it brought Big tears. I Loved moving into a period of dance and really shaking loose.
So yeah another Full month. This is just a flavour of the adventure but there is Always a LOT more……