It started with entering a space with no expectations. I didn't know the teacher or any of the other dancers, I didn't know how many would be there, I knew the title "UNTAMED" but not how the weekend would work, how it would evolve, anything.
What drew me was the image of a wild horse on the poster, That essence was all that called me and the title "Untamed" Oh how the vibration of those words kiss my skin and entice me. It is an interesting word triggering so very much throughout me and also a piece I Really took home was that the choice to be tamed is also part of the untamed. This is what I needed to hear as I have been resisting and fighting and battling Any sense of being tamed and doing what I'm told in Any way when actually, there is something that I can work With there.
Immediately I felt in a safe space to strip away Any ideas or mental chatter. It felt so effortless to pop on the beginners mind as if this is the very first time I was engaging with this practice and just for me to show up with such playful curiosity and innocence.
I immediately heard the words of Mary Oliver's Wild Geese poem in my body - "You do not Have to be good...... You ONLY have to let the Soft animal of your body Love what it LOVES......" That set the scene.
I felt that this circle has never been formed with these people in this way and will never be this way ever again, so why not celebrate that impermanence and fragility with pure presence and love.
What if This dance was the Last dance I Ever got to dance? How would That look like, What would I bring then? Would I still pop into my mind and think about a sore back or blisters on my feet or would I play Full out and engage my body in this space in the presence of music and stillness and silence and with other souls moving with me. If it was my last dance - Would I perhaps Laugh more, push my edges more, experiment more, smile more, laugh more? I decided to Just pretend this is All I Ever get and Give it Everything I have.
I Have been dancing this practice for a quite some time but I have only been to a handful of weekend workshops so far and this one was delicious to explore my practice in a whole new way.
I have considered and experienced each of the 5 Rhythms as particular energies, directions, elements..... They have colour and texture and I thought I had an understanding of them and how my body responded and what to expect. This is Only part of the story, there is a whole continuum with extremes and then I can drop in and take a look at where am I today on that journey between the polar opposites, what does this body want to show me and teach me? Is it pretty vacant and off in some day dream or is there massive embodied presence? Is there complete inertia or is there infact fluidity? and so on..
I enjoyed Remembering my feet and feeling Every tiny little bone and muscle in there, all the tensions, all the blisters. How often do we stay in our heads and Forget we even Have feet at all? Feet are absolutely Incredible things and do a superb job! I didn't have paints with me but I really wanted to paint and decorate and very much honour my feet for the wonderful job they do and how wonderful they are. I avoided my feet for a Long time as they are very short and wide and very very earthy and barefoot nature loving (quite hobbit like!) and they not as long and graceful as some of my friends that I compared myself to. My feet are completely miraculous and I don't need to compare them with Anyone - Ever!
In the rhythm of Flow, I fell wildly in love with gravity and the weight in my own body and the heaviness of it and how good it is to really let that energy pull you downwards into the body, into the feel, to really flow from this space. I have resisted my weight but actually it is amazing to really drop me into myself. I realised that Flow is an easy space for me to usually connect with so I played a little differently just for fun. I loved the expereince of sliding and slithering on the wooden floor and to explore what it was like to feel Just my forearms pull the weight of my whole body along the floor. I found it challenging to move from standing to being down and getting up again as I wanted the floor to hold me with the strength of the gravity. I noticed how amazing it felt to let gravity and momentum roll me from 1 side of a room to another and to allow that curve that came in so I didn't roll in a straight line. Flowing With someone felt such a beautiful space of intimate connection and there was no separation.
In the Stacato energy, I noticed how my tendency is often to embody my feminine energy and to dance that and when it comes to the masculine strong beat I sometimes feel a little stuck and unable to enter that energy easily and I sometimes Try to hard and then force it so it's not my authentic truth. I can see how occasionally I'll try and impress rather than just express. I really understand that we all have this balance of male and female energies and I have experienced these weaving together in balance in my body but I had never really stepped into and Owned My masculine aspect 100%. Something happened in this workshop where I completely accessed this inner Shiva aspect that I have. There was such an allowing to dance whatever needed to be danced. This masculine energy that resides inside me absolutely Terrified me with it's Full presence. It was very Scary, big and strong and had clear direction and was taking No nonsense to cleanly cut through All the illusions and cords to the Truth. The moves were like some Crazy Kung Fu Master - sharp, precise, defined, very primal and raw and very fierce. It was the place of strength and safety I have Always looked for externally and Here it was and here I was Dancing it. I noticed there was a very subtle and small resistance to going Full out and then a guy picked that up and came and danced with me and he brought that extra inspiration to ramp up the volume and dive in Completely and Utterly, No messing. It made me Roar with pleasure to finally acknowledge, connect and integrate THIS energy.
I LOVED finding new ways to move into the rhythm of Chaos and different ways that it can be expressed. I have found it at times Incredibly challenging to be in class of maybe 50 people all seemingly going there and my little vulnerable fragile aspect can't find a way to enter and felt so excluded and confused and really stuck. I have some tools to play with to dance my expression and not to have to copy anyone. Once I found the place of sheer surrender I could have stayed in chaos for days and that was new for me, I usually can only stay there for a little time. There was Such letting go and I needed that space.
The creativity and sheer fun that Lyrical brought was Very fresh and new and surprising and exciting. There were many ways I am not aware that I have ever moved my body that effortlessly emerged as I had already surrendered in chaos so there was no resistance. The more I went there, the more I opened up into wondering what else I could do, way past comfort zones of the usual movement and connection with others.
In the lyrical energy, I felt the movement of an animal, I had several animal totem cards with me and I have been working with a number of power animals and I was trying to feel into this one to see what it was. It emerged as my Giraffe power animal. This spirit guide is Pure white with chocolate sports and chocolate eyes and is stunning. There are a Lot of messages with this creature and embodying the essence of the movement it wanted me to express today was even more fascinating.
I Loved dancing Stillness with another body. The connections between each person were all different but imbued with Such heart and presence that there was Just no judgement and just a space of playful fun and deep intimacy that is unusual for me to find so quickly with new people. My stillness emerged with a slow motion flowing quality. I was touched at the end when a few people commented on my connection and how fun, joyful and infectiously inspiring I was to move with! (I Also LOVED a man saying how much he liked my white stripes! My partner loves them but to hear this from someone I don't know was actually amazing. To not have to colour my hair and hide who I am but to be seen and appreciated and my authentic beauty to be enjoyed was profoundly humbling and pleasurable.)
It was such and Untamed Wild pleasure to give this soft body Exactly what it needed and wanted for a couple of days. To give it the types of movement within each rhythm that I needed at that point. There was Such freedom and expression and such fun and connection.
I am beyond grateful to this stunning body, to each glorious soul who showed up, to the stunning facilitator for enabling the journey, to the music for containing the space, to the teaching, to the DANCE.
I AM grateful to Gabrielle Roth for birthing this way of moving and being.