What if I didn’t remember a SINGLE step?
What if I turned left when Everyone else turned right?
What I fell over?
What if I forgot to breathe?
What if my heart actually stopped beating?
What if I stood on my skirt and it fell down?
What if I felt mortified?
What if I felt scared?
What if I felt fear?
What if I felt uncertain?
What if I felt unsure?
What if Everyone stared?
What if everyone judged?
What if everyone laughed at me?
What if I compared myself harshly to Everyone else?
What if I looked like a fool?
What if I failed?
What if I embarrassed everyone?
WHO CARES - Seriously WHO CARES!!!!!!!
What if all the fears in my head are imagined and made up and have no substance at all?
What if I had FUN?
What if I smiled?
What if I met some Lovely people?
What if I picked up some Really fun new belly dance clothes?
What if the music and rhythmic beat touched a deep place in me?
What if I loved the live drums and enjoyed the texture of the patterns?
What if my body loved to move no matter how it looks?
What if it's ok to have a big soft shoogily body and belly?
What if it is ok to be seen?
What if it’s ok not to hide in black clothes and not stand in the back row but the front?
What if dancing the orange sacral Chakra is Just what I need today to express my creativity?
What if I loved the feel of my orange velvet skirt and the jangle belt that my friend gave me?
What if it's ok not to be polished and perfect?
What if it's ok to dance the dance of this body on this day no matter what?
What if it wasn’t as bad as I imagine?
What if Everyone starts somewhere?
What if it’s ok to dance when I am menstruating and my brain is Utter mush as I dance this tired, bleeding, imperfect feminine body?
What if this experience healed yet More deep fear and many other layers and flavours?
What if I see dancers that inspire me?
What if I inspired and encouraged a lady who came to watch with NO intention of dancing to get up and join me on the dance floor?
What if I actually survived, no matter how I felt?
What if I can always practice a little more so I Actually know the routine a little better and perform at another Hafla another time?
What if, what if, what if……..
It was NEVER about the show itself, any glory or Any applause.
It was about Getting OUT there and Doing It Anyway.
Life Keeps suggesting things that Really push my buttons and scare me and terrify me and then I am invited to play at the Edge, to step Way outside my comfort zone… And I Usually say YES!!! I am exhausted!
Last Sunday I went to a poetry writing workshop, Huge amounts of fear about facing that comparison nonsense of ‘not good enough’. It was a day of Play, laughter and discovery and I Adored the entire experience Once I had walked through the door. It’s all about Walking Through that door. It’s So very easy not to press the buzzer, turn the handle, walk in. It is Easy to go home.
Easy doesn’t offer me Growth.
Today it was dancing with a group of women I’ve never met at a Belly Dance Hafla. I have only been to 1 Hafla in an evening show where I was Very blown away and intimidated by all the Incredible dancers and their moves and their costumes. Today's Hafla had a family vibe and it felt there would be groups of people who knew each other and here I was going on my own as usual. Yes I knew my teacher but there was no one else going from my class. I had ONLY experienced the choreography twice and my body didn’t Know it and Still I went. I have also experienced a LOT of past life stuff and there’s a LOT in there about times of being a temple dancer that all showed up for some really deep healing on top of everything else and that alone exhausted me.
It was about meeting strangers and connecting, watching some beautiful dancers and being inspired and then when our group was called, not running for the door or pretending I didn’t hear the call and Standing ON that floor, Looking UP, Smiling and when the music started - DANCING…..