I know I might be "one in 4" who surf these adventures but I often feel like I’m the Only one.
It’s hard to get out of bed sometimes let alone interact in the world.
Lately I have had some rather debilitating symptoms and really been doing my best to survive each day and if I can Stay Supper present and Grounded with whats moving in that moment or day it’s Amazing.
I am exploring this journey with Zero medication and no support services around me, it’s NOT Easy.
I’m doing AMAZING!!! I’m in Absolute Awe of me!!!
My medication has been REST, Nature, Meditation and creativity.
There have been times I can’t tolerate light so I can’t watch tv, I can’t use the computer, I can’t read, I can’t meditate, I can’t sleep and I just have to BE with myself and ride it ALL.
The Depths I go to are MASSIVE, I know very Few who dive So deep and do their internal work.
I have been asked by a Bunch of friends who Don’t get it, if I am Bipolar as my Highs are Huge and I can Soar and Dive and do ALL of it.
Nope, I’m Not Bipolar. This is Just the way I am, I Don’t live a Beige life, I live a FULL Spectrum and Beyond life. I Experience Every morsel. (By the way if you Do want to Turn me OFF Completely – wear Beige! Very FEW things turn me off and my ex use to wear complete Beige outfits – Hilarious!)
ANYHOW….
SO I put on an Art Exhibition, the First of my life.
Not only That but I put on a SECOND one as well!!!
Talk about not taking an Easy path!!!!
It can be Very challenging to publicly put yourself out there and when you are experiencing Severe symptoms, it makes it Even More Wild and Crazy and interesting!
I watched my thoughts – All of them, I Kept using my meditation practice and Just resting in the Experience of the Stillness.
I found it Exceptionally challenging to invite anyone to the launch events as I Still felt Huge gaping Old wounds around rejection - it's a Juicy one for me. (This was exacerbated and intensified with the anniversary of my liberation last year from a relationship and how that all unfolded in unkindness and cruelty.)
For the first exhibition I saw the rejection reasons start to stream in from all sorts of people as to why they couldn’t come and watched my own reaction.
On the day of the launch I read more reasons why people were pulling out.
It was Not about who was or wasn’t there,
It wasn't about projecting any of my Stuff out onto them.
I was going to be there and for someone with Depression symptoms, that’s Incredibly Massive in itself.
I was Crazy Proud of ME.
I had a Very Very Beautiful time with many gorgeous souls.
For the second exhibition I felt even more impossibly tender and vulnerable and not well,
I didn’t want to have an “event” at All.
I nearly cancelled So often during the week.
I nearly cancelled on the night,
Driving to the event, I was sure I was going to put a sign on the door that it was not going on and I was going to go for a walk.
I just Kept watching the mind and all the thoughts that were moving.
I didn’t cancel.
Two people showed up to the event and ACTUALLY, I had a Beautiful evening with them, I was able to Talk to them and connect and share stories and experiences, if there had been lots of people, I wouldn’t have had that opportunity.
It was Not About external attention or validation or approval,
It Wasn’t about people buying anything.
It was for the CONVERSATION about Depression and Mental Health.
It was to help Smash Stigma and Taboo about all of this.
It is to REMIND people that you are NOT Depression, You may experience symptoms but YOU are Not That... You are the Sky, You are Vast and Infinite and yeah Sometimes there may be clouds but That is not You, you Remain the SKY.
It's to say to Anyone else with symptoms - You are NOT Alone!
It's to say to Anyone who's Struggling that You are Precious and LOVED.
It is to say over and over, it's OK to not be OK.
It's to say that you Can navigate it all, No matter how uncomfortable, it IS possible to navigate.
It was to Talk about my own journey using Nature/ Photography/ Meditation and Creativity – Art Therapy as my own Medication to steer through my own landscape.
I have no training or background in art but that won’t stop me.
Who needs Training to say they are Good Enough!
Create your Own Flavour, Your Own Expression.
I carry an energy that expresses through Colour, I bring SO much in my art, there's energy work in there, there's codes and frequencies and All sorts!
I enjoy no rules, I enjoy playing and experimenting and pushing the edges in seeing what unfurls.
It’s maybe not Everyone’s cup of tea but I LOVE it.
I will Keep showing up, Keep making Art, Keep Diving and Soaring and BEING All of the Rainbow, ALL of my colours, not just Some but ALL of them. Nothing missed out.