I never had a chance to meet my grandmother as she died before I was born. I knew my paternal grandmother and her stories and what she was like as a person and her twinkly eyes full of enormous love but what about this other woman. What was she like, what kind of a person was she? what was her life like? I asked my mum the other day and I have felt moved and shocked and really feeling a lot of pain and sorrow. These stories were from maybe the 50’s and 60’s so it’s really Not that long ago but it seems like a different world.
When my mum told me some stories, she didn’t mention affection or cuddling or joy or any of that, it just wasn’t in the telling of the tales. It sounded bleak and tough and just having to get on and do your best and Survive everything life offered.
Many years ago my mum took me on an adventure to show me the places she grew up in Stirlingshire and Perthshire. Amongst them there was Greenloanin, Rossie Ochil in Forgandenny and the Cromlix estate (Which is now owned by the Scottish tennis player Andy Murray). I was shocked when I saw the “Dwelling” place in Rossie Ochil, you couldn’t really call it a cottage, it was too small. There was 7 of the family living in that tiny space. No electricity, only paraffin lamps, 4 miles to a shop or school on foot (there was no car), no telephone, certainly no television, not even any books!
Life was hard for my grandmother, Very hard. I don’t know what her early days were like but mum said when she married my grandfather, she was living a Salvation Army Hostel.
She had 6 children including 2 girls and my mum was the youngest. She had my mum when she was about the age I am now – 42 (which also really touches me). My Aunt was sent to live away from home to give the family a rest for a few weeks with one less mouth to feed. When my Grandmother went to collect her, my aunt made such a fuss that for a quiet life, she left my aunt with her relative and it was Such a hard choice to walk away, it was the biggest regret of her life and she couldn’t forgive herself. Later her mother in law tried to suggest my uncle could join his sister but my grandmother put her foot down and said they and already taken one ‘bairn', and they was no way they were going to take another. Her mother in law punched her in the face, knocking her tooth out.
There was no help, no support, no benefits or social services, no family near by, just them, making do the best they could and getting on with it.
With all those children and no money, there were tensions and they weren’t all nice to one another all the time, you can imagine the squabbling with hungry tummies and bored kids. My mum used to spend her days roaming far out in nature. Everything was her playground, there were no limits, she could climb any tree, go as far as she likes, play in in the streams and have conversations with unseen friends and she knew where the berries and nests were. But my grandmother didn’t have the luxury of roaming – she was at home and sometimes in the fields if she could get a little work.
My grandfather was a dairyman and worked incredibly hard, 7 days a week from very early to very late. The wages were slim and after rent and bills there was not much left. There were no family holidays anywhere or any day trips. Occasionally he would take the cows to market and he would maybe come back with a bag or toffees for them all. One day he had a box of 1 day old baby chickens which lived in the bath. At one time there was a shop nearer to where they stayed. Mum said my grandfathers treat that he occasionally enjoyed was a bar or Frys Chocolate.
The only holidays the kids got were the “tattie” holidays from school so they could help the farmer with the “Tattie Howking”- collecting the potato harvest. My mum would have only been maybe 6 or 7 years old, working in the fields, trying to keep clear of the tractor as she tried to lift the basket of potatoes.
One time, the boys got hold of fireworks, one brother put some in his pockets but they caught light and another brother had to help stop the explosions. It was my mum that was sent to the hospital with him, not one of the parents, my mum was only about 8ish.
There was no money and meals were whatever they could get, at times, dinner was a plate of potatoes. There was no presents for birthdays or Christmas, there was no Christmas dinner. The treat would be a cardboard box from the farmer with some tea and sugar.
The estate would put on a party for the workers at Christmas but there were few other parties or fun, although when on Cromlix estate, Lady Auckland’s son turned 21 and there was a garden party for him to which the workers were invited and my mum remembers the strange savory biscuits.
There were no fancy clothes, it was all make do and hand me downs. When my mum had to travel to Edinburgh for an operation on her heart when she was 10, someone on the estate made a coat for her and the Head teacher gave her a yellow sponge bag with a toothbrush and a few bits, which was strange to get something new and for Her! She was in hospital over Christmas and she woke up with presents on her bed! This was the FIRST time she had had presents. She had an out of body experience during the operation and watched what was going on from up on the ceiling. When she came back, there was a nurse that was very compassionate and kind to her. My mum looked at her and said she wanted to be a nurse just like her when she grew up. The nurse said she would have to be very very clever and my mum cried as all the Millar kids were the “dunces” at school, they were not bright kids and my uncle could barely read or write. However, she stuck in and indeed became an Incredible nurse for her entire career and had SUCH a Huge heart for her patients and work. The nurse that had been kind to my mum got married and invited my mum on holiday to Kilin – this was my mum’s first holiday. The nurse also took her to Broughty Ferry and one tome bought her new Red Sandals – can you imagine having Nothing and someone buying you new Red Shoes!
When my mum was 15, my grandfather was electrocuted and killed in the dairy when he was milking. This was another very difficult time for the family. There was a Very small amount of compensation. My grandmother took the bus into Perth and her special treat for herself would be to go to a particular café and have apple pie and cream.
I feel deeply moved at this woman and the tough existence she endured. It felt like a movie or something that was to fanciful with all my mum shared but this WAS my grandmother and my mum said it would have been the same story with Many families living in that area at that time, it wasn’t uncommon. I notice what aspects of this lineage I have held in my body such as thinking life is hard and a struggle. As I learn more, I heal anything I still carry and send Such love to these amazing souls with all my heart.