Different things stir and wake me sometimes, today it was my ankles. Their presence woke me. Lately, it has felt like someone has taken a sledgehammer to my feet, maybe run a steam roller over them, maybe taken a hammer to them? It felt like there’s complete fragmentation and brokenness and none of the structures are as they were or how I think they should be! It felt like concrete had been poured into the places that only want to be liquid and flowy and light and mobile. It felt like I was becoming a stone or crystal being.
I noticed a feeling of too much extra electricity in my body as the sausage shaped cells of the myelin sheath over my nerve axons in my legs lit up like bulbs on a Christmas tree that has its setting switched to random, firing messages to my brain that were interpreted as pain. Sure there are a few other places in the body that said hello but this is a tiny taste of what’s familiar and what I am aware of.
I watched very very subtle frustration and irritation at being awake Again, I wanted to be asleep. I tried to move the body to find ease and a position to fall back into deep nourishing sweet sleep, it was not forthcoming so I padded down to the kitchen and flicked on the kettle on and kept breathing as I listened to the quiet night with just the sound of a clock ticking.
Nothing ever happens TO us, it happens FOR us. I’ve heard this So often and it Does help a little. But my questioning, inquisitive mind is always looking for the “so Why IS this happening FOR me? What is it showing me? What is it teaching me? What is it trying to get my attention about? Where is this pain coming from? How can I heal it? What techniques can I try next? What potions and lotions or supplements can I try?” and on. Always questions, always curious, always analysing, to the point of exhaustion. I checked in with my body and tried to find any answers, I slowly and softly encouraged it out of it’s deafening silence.
The body simply invited me to surrender. To surrender completely to the experience in the moment, not what I’d prefer or desire but what’s present. The body invited me to drop resistance to what is, drop trying to change or fix Anything. I have experience that things change so this will too in some way or other. I noticed a softening and an opening.
I felt Such profound LOVE for my incredible magic body. I thought about the places my magic ankles have carried me to, the countries, locations, adventures, people, situations. I felt so blessed and lucky at all the adventures they had led me on. I felt such enormous gratitude and appreciation that my heart began to purr. The purring of the heart was louder than the jangling, clanking, metallic scraping, industrial sounds of discomfort in the ankles or elsewhere. The purring got Louder. A Smile crossed my face as the warmth of the purr radiated outwards, slowly at first and then steady, steady, steady until, Every molecule purred with the vibration of the heart.
Whatever occurs, whatever presents, the medicine of the heart guides me home with sweetness and kindness and warmth of it’s pure radiant fire. There is no pain in the fire of the true heart, Only Love.