I began walking when we were all told by the politicians and doctors and the media, to:-
Stay at home.
Only go out for exercise once per day and to stay to the local area.
Wash hands regularly....
I began walking in March 2020, at the start of the Lockdown period in Edinburgh, that was imposed because of the consequences of the global health pandemic.
I didn't realise or understand what this walk would become. I had no clue of where it would take me. At the beginning, it was simply an opportunity to get some fresh air. My parents were sheltering, due to their age and health conditions and I really felt the call to walk in nature and report back to them with tales of all the riotous sprouting nature that I saw on the path. As well as this being an essential piece for my own mental health wellness, I was acutely aware of the potential impact of the imposed restrictions on Their mental health and my tales of wildflowers and wrens would hopefully uplift and sustain them through what I thought at that time would be a few weeks or maybe a month. This was my simple act of love for my family. There was also a Lot of time when All I wanted to do was to be in the garden and sit with all the discomfort that was collectively alive with the pandemic and all that was bringing up through my nervous system. I found myself falling in love with the simplicity of hands in the earth - growing seeds and tending plants. There were all the times when I just wanted to bake in the kitchen with my hands in flour or express and playfully move paints with my hands just to move the energy that was alive.
To add some context about how incredible this walking Journey in 2020 has been - four years ago, things looked Very different - there was mental/ emotional/ physical/ spiritual Dis-ease. Absolutely Everything felt fractured and broken. It felt like the mythic tale of the Descent of Inanna, everything on all levels had been stripped, my inner pilot light was down to the last fraction of a millimetre I felt like I was holding on to life by the edges of my fingernails. My survival strategy was - freeze/ numb/ withdraw/ shut down/ comfort eat and let the tears fall in oceans. Always, Nature would whisper to step close into Her and piece by piece I found myself outside. I could begin to exhale, and my neurology didn't feel like a startled rabbit so much. I would walk and include all the feelings, thoughts, and sensations without avoidance, which was not easy or effortless. I walked with symptoms of Fibromyalgia - with intense and wild full body pain that isn't soothed by painkillers, sometimes with almost crippling lethargy and fatigue, sometimes with other symptoms that might look like depression. Some days I just couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't move, and instead of pushing myself to Do something, I allowed my body intelligence to tell me when I should do nothing and turn inward. The gift of pain slowed me down massively, so the walking became tortoise pace and allowed me to be with my body and any old memories and trauma that was moving through. I was acutely aware of my edges and limits and when it was more than enough, and I had to stop and go home. It was like a journey through the 4 doors of the Medicine Wheel over the 4 years, taking me up to 2020, which is where I am now...
All around my home I am blessed with the places that I can reach on foot- I have 2 fabulous nature reserves, the hill behind me is old Volcanic rock, there's the gardens of a local castle, plus the River Almond and the River Forth which heads out to the North Sea. I also walked on the numerous local golf courses that were unusually accessible and completely empty. I had no set time of day that I would walk, no set route, no set distance. I walked when I felt like it, I walked where I felt drawn, I walked when the weather was conducive to being outside. Once restrictions lifted a little, I was able to walk further and for longer. I walked, listened, observed, and witnessed and became slower and slower in a deepening journey. I was called to notice what was on my path all the time, inner and outer. I spent so much time stopping and squeaking with joy at seeing tiny little flowers or butterflies or worms or heart shaped rocks or … I stopped a Lot to listen to the quietness and the birds singing. I stopped a lot to smile and exhale. It was no race, no fitness campaign, no weight loss goal, nothing to tick off and achieve. I wasn't walking as a virtual challenge to gain a medal and I wasn't thinking about fundraising for any cause.. It was more simple, more earthy, and intimate.
I can't remember the date that it began to feel different but at some point, the flavour switched and changed. I asked Spirit what I was to do in these times and the invitation was very clear and very simple - "Walk", that was it. I had time and space and all I had to do was Walk. The words that spontaneously emerged were "Pilgrimage" and "Camino"! This was a natural, organic unfolding. It wasn't anything anyone had suggested, I hadn't read about it, I hadn't seen anything about it online. I wouldn't Physically be walking through the landscapes of France and Spain but even still, the entire felt sense had shifted and the Path to Santiago de Compostela unveiled itself.
I looked at all the various Camino Routes and felt which one I might like to follow. The one that lit up was the French Camino. This was ~769km which felt impossibly long so I didn’t know if I could or would finish it! But this was the Route that chose me! I thought it wouldn’t Feel like a Camino as I wasn’t in Spain, but the Quality of the experience shifted, and it was as if I was very much on a Camino. The journey became a way to pray. Pray to or for what? What is prayer? What is sacred payment/ pagamento/ offering? The predominant prayer was "Thank You". To the Earth and the plants, trees, waters, animals, and clouds..... Not asking for anything, just giving thanks and love and presence. I felt Such a sense of appreciation and gratitude that I found myself saying Thank you So very much, So often. Such a simple offering but a gateway to so very much more.
Even though I walked on my own for 6 months, without anyone else to keep me company or anyone noticing I was on Camino and cheerfully calling "Buen Camino!", I didn't feel alone. The abundance of nature in all her forms was Staggering and I felt deeply held and met, I felt the vital aliveness and presence of place. It felt a nurturing, healing, loving and supportive experience as well as a deepening of listening, connection, intimacy, and friendship with these local places and their changes through the season. I would joyfully smile when I saw huge cedar or the old oaks or the ancient yews or heard the rustling beach leaves. I smiled when rabbit or deer or many others met me on the path. It felt like an ongoing Medicine Walk.
I was immersed in ancestral work throughout the Camino and I walked a lot with what was coming up around the information I was discovering about my lineage and DNA, which was very important to include. I also walked with the overwhelming enormity of the grief that I felt on the planet with numbers of souls passing and the families grieving. I noticed a desire to be at the bedside of any who were dying alone in hospital without their loved ones. I prayed for the health of my own family and loved ones but also for those across the globe and all the ways that people are in turmoil, trauma, fear, separation, division, polarisation, and uncertainty. I had a sense that even kind thoughts for others has value, so I prayed for all.
My Camino took me 6 months. The journey wasn't always easy, it wasn't always comfortable, there were many tears and many painkillers. And Yet, I Did it! I walked the equivalent distance of the French Camino! When I arrived at my Virtual destination on 18 August 2020, there was no one there to physically witness the achievement, no one stamped a pilgrim's passport, there was no certificate. My experience was a sense of Angels, Ancestors and Nature all raucously, wildly, abundantly celebrating and cheering! It was a beautiful sweet feeling to land at the estuary, no physical church or cathedral, just the simplicity of the rich iodine smell of the seaweed and the sound of the salty waters softly lapping on the shore. I walked to a café on the Promenade to buy a celebratory coffee, but it wasn't open, so I quietly smiled and turned for home, knowing that the journey wasn't complete! There was Still a piece on the map that was inviting me to keep going.. to walk to the sea at Finisterre. So, as I write.. I’m Still going, Still walking a Camino.
What were my highlights? So Very many! The simplicity of falling in love with place - not lusting after or fantasising about other cultures and places far away but savouring what was present, immediate, and right here. The abundant beauty of Nature and Edinburgh. Walking at 5am with no other people just birds I'd never seen before such as Nuthatch and seeing early morning deer watching me. Seeing Kingfishers. Watching the progress of the barley and wheat through their cycle. Finding such abundant delight and wonder and surprise such as seeing the Zebra and Nyala at the back of the zoo! seeing new views of Edinburgh from golf courses that I'd never walked on before. Walking in the Japanese Friendship Garden at Lauriston Castle when the blossom trees were Perfect. Thrilling at the resilience of nature, all the gnarly trees that grow around rocks. Being So in awe of the body and its capacities to walk with pain and to include pleasure and softening and opening to receive all the beauty. Sharing the time with my family. Later, the Joy of walking the old town of Edinburgh empty of people and traffic and tourists and absolutely Loving this City. And Yes, I enjoyed going home to a warm bath and comfortable bed and not having to share a dorm or carry a backpack of all my belongings as my body couldn't have managed that!
I'm wildly Celebrating my journey. It's been very powerful, surprising, special and I'm glad of it all. Like all of us, I had very different hopes, dreams, and expectations for 2020 but this has been the beauty and rich magic that I've found, seen, experienced and created in these unusual times.
Sharing deep gratitude and warm heart from my Camino in Edinburgh 2020.