I have suppressed my voice and hid in the shadows for most of my glorious life. So many old beliefs and stories that didn’t serve me but were thinking they were ‘protecting me’ in some way. I was in my head, thinking too much, judging and comparing myself with other people. But actually, I know my flavour is so important for the overall mix, my unique components, offerings and gifts are absolutely crucial for the overall delicious recipe in life.
I have worked through so very much in my personal practice and now the cocoon is broken wide open there is No way back. I am my own sweet beautiful masterpiece, yeah a little clunky, rough, raw, wild but so very open, real and honest. I celebrate my glorious imperfectness. I wildly celebrate the magic in the mundane of everyday life – how Magnificent that I get to wake up each morning and face another day with all it’s wonder and mystery and I get to play and experience it all. I tingle and shimmer and vibrate with the radiance of excitement for this life! It is time to expand my glorious wings.
Whatever expression emerges in these unfolding’s and sharing’s, it will be wildly infused with deep Love as that is who I Truly am, that is who we all are, that is how I see Everyone. The gift that I offer is Limitless love with sprinklings of sparkling playful joy.
“When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that its bottomless, that this heart is huge, vast and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there as well as how much space.” – Pema Chodron
This is my entry point and I am so excited to Finally show up and play so Big. I have No idea if this will evolve and grow into something utterly different or die vibrantly in glorious flames, I am not attached to the outcome at all, I just know this is the process that emerges for me right now and I trust the journey.
My experience of this expression of love is in being shown all the barriers and blocks within myself to that true expression, where are all the places that I have felt less than, not deserving, not worthy, not enough in all it’s magnitude. It’s been and continues to be and always will be a fascinating adventure. I have always loved poetry and the minute I read this Rumi line, it spoke to my Very depths: 'Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.' I utterly understand and live that! I can see my Entire existence has been about love – all the stories, heartbreak and turmoil’s all the tears – all taught me so very much and Still I Love, Nothing Ever distracted me or put me off, no matter how challenging and dark the landscape became at times and how lost I felt, I will Always love.
I have looked for many long years outside myself for all my answers – I have sought teachers, gurus, wise elders, workshops, classes, books, audio on and on and on – it was so utterly confusing and Exhausting!!!! They each had their words and flavours and I always took something form each experience but Still something was missing and Still I was unsatisfied and yearned. The True teacher was there all along, right in front of my own beautiful nose – my own sweet body. I rediscovered this truth through my meditation practice, in 2009. This was a significant turning point for me and significantly changed my relationship to my thoughts and particularly my levels of stress and anxiety as I now had tools that worked for me to enable me to put my attention on the Stillness. All I was searching for and yearning for was within this glorious home within me all along. I had just forgotten how to stop, get quiet and witness. Within the still silent place, there is Everything I have ever sought.
Through this journey of meditation and embodied practices such as dancing I have been coming home and falling deeper and deeper in love with my true self and that experience of love fills up everything in this shell, all the crevices and crannies and dark shadowy places and forgotten hidden places. I accept Everything that comes up and don’t shy away from any of the gifts that are presented. This light and love cannot be contained as it becomes so vast as it grows and grows, it spills from within me as I become full up and it seeps and oozes into life and all the molecules and atoms of the room I am in, then the building, it flows out down the street, round my Darling treasure of a city, round my Glorious country, across the oceans and over all landmasses to all people, plants, animals, the elements, the living earth, down into her core and out into the sky and beyond. It’s Big, it’s trippy, it’s what frequently happens when my Bliss is triggered and shared. I experience oneness consciousness and dissolution of self.
A lot of my expression is that I see the Divine perfection in people, it is often buried so very very deep, but I see Each soul as wildly precious and sacred to be treasured and honoured – Whatever their outward behaviour. I sit on the bus often and feel those around me who are held tight in their heads with fears and worries and anxieties and are so disconnected from that glowing ember of perfection – I see it anyway and hold them in the beauty of who they truly are. I see those who ‘think’ they are unlovable and I see that lie.
I am Soooo excited and thrumming with delicious energy to move out of my comfort zone and to explore this glorious life in a new way through sharing some of my thoughts.
With Love <3