So the thundering this time was actually my heart as I faced Yet More fears. I am Wildly Passionate about dancing, but there is dancing and then…..
My comfort zone is a room inside, where there will probably be like minded people and there’s a degree of commonality as we all move together in our own ways. My beautiful friend has been doing her own flavour of dancing for about a year and a half. She has been dancing and walking through the streets!!!! She asked for a few of us to join her on Sunday plus the added fear of a possible bit of filming for a video!!! I had planned on attending a 5 Rhythms workshop but at the end of the day, Friendship comes First and I prioritised my friend, of Course I’d be there!!!
We met at the Scottish Parliament, then moved into and through Holyrood park, then up by the Commonwealth pool, down Newington, South Bridge and then along the High Street and back to the Parliament again. I Really thought I’d be freaking out being out in public, being Seen by others is Massive for me. So very much pressed Enormous amounts of buttons in me and Really challenged me Massively. So very much has been coming up about past life experiences of being a dancer and having a really tough time – that’s ongoing healing work, there’s a whole load to unpack in that one!!!
So, once more, I did Not run away!!!! I did my meditation practice, used some bach flower remedies, had some cacao and actually, as per usual, the fears in my imagination were illusionary, what a surprise – or not I guess!!!! Seriously, Who cares how Silly and Crazy I look, Who cares if people stop and stare and even if they take photos of film us!!!
What I noticed was that I felt in a dance bubble, with my 5 rhythms practice, when the music is on, I just want to let my body move the way she wants to move and any excuse my body gets it just wants to unleash!!! I purposely didn’t eyeball any passers by as that would have been way too much but I did sense Everyone. I could particularly sense the bemusement! I Kept feeling bubbles of deep joy move through me and escape in giggles – laughter heals me a lot, big medicine. I felt very much part of this little gang and really sensed everyone moving in their own way. I Adored swinging round and round a traffic light at one point, that was silly fun!! Even near the beginning, I could feel how Very different this is compared to my ‘normal’ dancing, sometimes when I dance there may be 60 people in the class so there isn’t a lot of space to actually travel, here we were power walking And dancing. I could feel it in my legs and hips especially as I really worked them. As we danced down a busy street, I could sense people looking and being not very sure what to do, it was like they didn’t want to acknowledge that we actually existed, it was too much for their senses. There were a Lot of rugby fans in town for the Scotland Wales game and they seemed baffled!!! I didn’t sense anyone saying anything unkind.
I am really glad I did this and it really showed me how very very far I have come, there is no way on Earth I would have done that before, a bit like dancing in the Bellydance Hafla, I Just Wouldn’t have even walked through the door!
Would I go again - Oh Yeah, Would I recommend it - Oh YEAH!!!
All day my body has deeply ached - sensations that I have really worked my body!!! So it is Sleep or move some More!!!
I went to Another dance opportunity. I saw it advertised on social media and thought I’d go and check it out. I went on my own and it’s that familiar discomfort of walking through the door on your own into a group of Edinburgh women who are there with their chums and what do you do there. It takes some guts to just chat to them anyway and Just go for it. I had assumed I’d know what the dancing tonight would look like and feel like. Ha ha ha ha – today’s reminder lesson is Seriously Girl – Don’t assume Anything - Ever!!!!
It was in a nightclub so I knew it would be in a dark space, which was fine. I dance bare feet so I can feel and sense the space and the floor had been swept but it was really dirty (everyone else had shoes on). The host wasn’t there when I went in and the space didn’t feel held at all, I am so very used to held space to let me unleash all I need so I wasn’t able tonight to Really go for it. I had looked at what I Thought was the playlist beforehand and liked some of the tracks. Actually, it was a Completely Different playlist and there was a Lot in there that I didn’t know. Now That is absolutely Fine, I like not knowing a track and just moving to it.
The challenge was, These were not the tracks my body wanted to move to today! This was not the beat and the vibration and the rhythm and the pattern that my energy wanted. I saw how very masculine the energy of Every track was. I am happy to dance masculine energy but I am really All about Balance. I like dancing variety, not the same tempo and pattern for an hour. I Need to dance my feminine a lot of the time, or at least have it represented in there. My body wants to move in spirals and circles and curves and flow and ooze, it is Tired of years of angles and lines and edges and sharpness. I need softness by the bucketload. This was Not the sacred dancing I have connected with lately, that is very much my flavour and expression, I am particularly loving Egyptian, Indian and Latin flavours at the moment.
This was Very much an exercise class with music to “bop” to. That’s all perfectly fine just not what my body calls for today!!!!
Would I go back - not sure - perhaps, I am curious about the dynamic of this one and might give it another bash?!
I came home and dissolved into some Luxurious utterly soaring delicious classical music and I found my soft curves and places of dissolve in my own way.